Finished. .................................Virtual exhibition in Second Life...

Line Diary

"Day 100: Me. It." (Çizgi Günlüğü means Line Diary.)

I started the "Line Diary" (currently on display in the Drawing Quarters gallery here) with a Moleskine notebook that was given to me as a gift in February of 2005. I liked this notebook so much and I didn't want to use it as a sketch book. I decided to use this notebook as a diary.

But what kind of diary would it be? I could draw the events that I lived or the objects that I liked or the people or the animals that I met in a day. Or I could draw something impromtu and express my thoughts and feelings. They were all possible for the line. This could be a diary too.

I decided that there would be no dates in it, the diary would create its own time and history. This situation was like the T.A.Z. (The Temporary Autonomous Zone) that is described by Hakim Bey (Peter Lamborn Wilson). The diary would live its own carnival, in a time out of time.

This is "Day 1: It's so."

During the first two days. I drew some things and wrote the day and the situation at the moment.. And then I stopped and waited. I knew this was not how I wanted to proceed.

As I thought, I realized that I didn't want either the line or myself to be the explicit narrator. The line was getting its own personality day by day. It was now a second "I" that I created in my mind. Two different "I's" whose voices mix together and complete each other. Thus began a dialog between the line and myself. I and "it" or I and "I." Thus came out this story.

This is "Day 29: I was admixed. We were admixed."

I draw with numerous small spirals and circles. For me the spiral symbolizes the "vicious circle" and infinity. I first fill the surface with the lightest toned spirals and then begin drawing with the darkest tones appropriate to the subject matter. And then I continue with spirals getting lighter towards mid-range tones. I draw with a pencil because of the soft and floating effect it has and because of the texture created by the intersecting circles. I use 0,5 mechanical pencil and B lead. It takes about 1 to 7 days for me to finish a work and sometimes longer. If the story I want isn't formed in drawing or words, I wait until I can form it, in the way that feels right.

Sometimes an object, a figure or an incident comes into my mind and I draw it. If I begin with an object or a figure, I then start to build the story. When the story ends, I say its words and finish the work.

For example "Day 326, 328 and 329: I'm looking at the eyes. They're looking at the paper."

I went outside to go shopping after the rain stopped. There were lots of snails on the pavement. They had escaped from the lawn because of the rain. And now as the rain stopped they were trying to return to the lawn. I was walking on the road to avoid stepping on them. But many people were acting like they didn't exist and stepped on them carelessly. There were smashed snails everywhere. My eyes caught a snail. It was touching a smashed snail and wasn't leaving it. From its trail on the pavement, it had gone 2-3 cm away and then returned to the smashed snail. The others were going on their way. I stayed there for a while.

One day this story found a place in my life and I decided to draw it. In my own language... And then I wanted to add words. The words came from my cat. One of my cat's kittens liked to play with balls that I made from corrugated paper. I was throwing the ball and he was bringing it back to me and waiting for the ball to be thrown again. I was trying to make eye contact with him but in this process he never looked at my eyes, just at the paper. The snail that nobody cared about was on a paper now. Someone was watching it and it knew this

Sometimes I draw impromptu.

For example "Day 275, 276, 277 and 278: What's happening?"

I drew a wavy line looked like the letter "v". I drew out small circles between the waves. It formed a border that divides the surface. I wanted to draw a person to one side of the border. When I began to draw the portrait, I decided to abstract the body. It was a person who stays on one side of the border if looked at from above. I began toning to emphasize the border and the silhouette. This calm look disturbed me and I broke the calmness with ruptures that resemble lightning.

When I drew this work, my life was very complicated and I wasn't able to understand what was happening.

And this work agitated the diary. In previous drawings, I was trying to explain something, tell about myself and clarify the story. But this work was abruptly breaking the course, just as I was explaining "me" to myself and trying to settle my life, the work was silencing me. What was happening?

When I start a new work, I always think about it in connection with the last one. I know it has a connection with the last one somehow.

It can be seen in these works.

"Day 300: Border?"

"Day 302, 303, 304 and 305: Intelligence?"

Sometimes I have a sentence on my mind and think about how I can express it with drawing. But I don't want the drawing to depict this sentence exactly. I want it to tell a different story that modifies the story of the sentence. I begin to draw after I find this story and its image.

This is "History finished here."

When I came to the last page of the diary, I knew what it would say. Walter Banjamin tells in his work "Passagenwerk", "There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism." This notebook had written its own history and it was time for it to deny itself and finish. My intention in finishing this history is not the destruction of the human being or anything else. My thought was to observe the human being existing peacefully within himself and with nature. I cannot see beyond this last page and cannot imagine how it would look or what I would find there if I could. But, this unknown beyond can be perceived as existing, at least in relation to this notebook.

The stories in "The Line Diary" are responses to my life in words and lines... I show what I have lived, my responses, thoughts, and feelings. Actually I share myself, but in an indirect way. At first it was hard for me to change my approach to drawing and adapt to this new vision and plan to form a collective language. But this approach and vision is an implicit part of my life and my art today.